Stay Put, Poppet.

We sadly said goodbye to my sister and Raf's cousins on Thursday. We already miss them so much. I will post some more pictures and stories of their stay very soon. We managed to get some super snapshots, and I hope Raf has a few memories lodged in their somewhere.

I drove the gang back down to Boston on Thursday and en route I developed some horrible backache. It seemed very muscular and I didn't worry at all, but that night I was up a lot with lower back pain and just felt off. I got out for a lovely run and actually felt some energy return and my backache was seeming much improved. All good. But that afternoon - with the high temps - I started to feel very ill and by the evening was having lots of cramping, Braxton hicks, and more. Rich had taken Raf to bed and I was feeling so 'off' that I called the midwife. The midwife on call, Kristin, had me come into the L and D for some fluids, thinking that I was dehydrated and that fluids would calm things down. And in fact it did help a lot...

They were planning on discharging me and did a fetal fibronectin test as matter of routine. Much to my shock it came back positive. Basically this test is used to rule out preterm labour as a negative test is very accurate and gives a good indication that you will NOT go into labour any time soon. A positive test is much more ambiguous and is suggestive that preterm labour is around the corner.

I'm honestly a bit in shock. It has been a very stressful year and this past few months have been almost unbearably stressful for many reasons. I don't think it's helped. Back to back pregnancies, hyperemesis, anemia and ongoing extreme exhaustion have really undone my body and the only time I've felt like myself is when I run a few times a week.

So it was a shock. I had driven myself to the hospital thinking I'd be in and out after some fluids but I ended up being admitted for the night for more monitoring. My cervix looked good this morning and they discharged me though the threshold for being readmitted is very low. I've been advised to restrict my activity and stress levels (sure!) and to get much more rest. I'll have an ultrasound on Monday or Tuesday and will see my midwife again if nothing happens between now and then. 

I feel so guilty that rest hasn't been a priority for us. I've felt so crummy for so long and I think after a while people - including me and Rich - stop taking it seriously and you carry on as usual making everything but rest and how I'm doing physically a priority. 

I feel incredibly low, right now. It's difficult with no family around, and though lovely friends have volunteered to help out with care for Raf, etc. I honestly don't know how I will cope in other ways. My biggest stress reliever is running/being active and of course that's not possible until I hopefully at least reach 36 weeks, and poor Raf is used to a very active mama. I'm hoping that things will settle down so that I can at least resume normal parenting activities.