Tuesday, August 21, 2012

33 weeks

I was looking forward to today as I had my weekly scan booked which meant, a) seeing Baby Toast, and b) getting out of the house. Alas, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling very nauseous and miserable and couldn't get back to sleep. I'd also run out of Zofran, which was very stupid on my part. After vomiting everything I ate and drank I made my way to Portland and did get to see the little poppet. It wasn't a growth scan, but a check to see if he's practice breathing, moving, etc. He scored 8/8. We did have to wake him up to make sure he was doing all his movements and I have to say that he looked thoroughly cross as a result. I think I know who he takes after there....

Both Rich and I think he looks a lot like Raf, so we shall see!

Sadly the misery continued and I've been so ill today with nausea, vomiting, and heartburn that we had to cancel our picnic plans.

I have felt like crying most of the day. Part of me would like a third kiddo but, honestly, I don't seem to do pregnancy graciously at all and I can't imagine putting the entire family through this again.

Not a good day.


  1. I'm so sorry for the nausea, please tell me you got your Zofran re-filled. Now is definitely not the time to be deciding about a potential future child and pregnancy. Give yourself time to enjoy little George-Henry and celebrate his life before you worry about another pregnancy. I'm already making "what do we do if we lose the next baby" plans and it's not fun and I probably shouldn't but I know it's hard not to think about.

  2. I don't think there is anything such thing as a gracious pregnancy babe. Nowhere near and you're the one feeling so rotten and cooped up.mplease be more compassionate towards yourself. Your boy got 100% that's worthy of rafi wiggle dance.

  3. (((Julie)))) thinking of you. xoxo

    Thanks, Lou. I just feel as though I moan so much about everything. I really am so grateful every single day. Love you.

  4. Alex, Pleeaasseee moan!!!!!! If course do the things to relax you, entertain you from bed - you do those things - you get moan time. I'm telling you you're nowhere near your quota of moan time. You know what you're grateful for everyone knows you're nit actually just moaning even. You're sharing the struggle. Love you. Keep going buddy and I'll be sat next to crocheting away. I'm actually being a bitfucking slow cos this full term toasty will beat me otherwise and I couldn't carry the shame of that lol

  5. xoxoxo Hoping today will be better.

  6. Feeling for you so much here. I felt like that too. The thought of another pregnancy was quite horrifying, which is why after number three I was absolutely determined there'd be no more and I could never go through another pregnancy.
    I shocked myself by wanting another four years later as I really didn't ever believe I'd change my mind.
    Pregnancy was hard for me too, physically and psychologically. The anxiety that comes with pregnancies following miscarriages is so horrid. I was surrounded by pregnant ladies who seemed to bloom and just get on with it, while I was attached to my bucket and felt and looked horrendous!
    BUT...the end result is so worth it and you're almost there Alex. I wouldn't blame you in the slightest for not wanting to go through another pregnancy. I really wouldn't worry about it right now. Just get little baby poppet safely here and everything else will take care of itself.

    Each day is a day closer to holding your new little bundle of gorgeousness in your arms, of smelling his beautiful baby scent and feeling the softness of his hair against your face. You're a star - keeping hanging on in there!
    Big hugs. xx

  7. THANK YOU all so much for your lovely words. Honestly it's not been my finest 24 hours. I was up most of the night with intense worries around baby toast arriving safely. He wasn't moving as he usually does and I honestly was almost in a state of panic at 2:30 this morning. Needless to say it's been another sleepless night. Gah. And it is very much worth it. I just cannot wait to have this little boy safely here.

    Pregnancy after loss is a very different experience, for sure. I don't know that I was really prepared for it. But not long now. I officially hit 33 weeks tomorrow and just 3 more weeks of bed rest after that. Counting down the days...!!

    Thanks, all. You really do buoy me up.