Tuesday, March 31, 2009

diapers and a vent

I've spent much of the week looking at diapers! Jen, Fia and Alice have been very helpful in providing me with some info re: cloth diapers. It's all a bit daunting to the uninitiated because there are so many options... from prefolds to all in ones, from fitteds to pocket diapers. Yikes... where to start. And then there are some that need covers, some that don't... and then there's organic or not, cotton or bamboo, and then there is sizing (by weight or one size diapers which adjust.). And thus it goes on...

And then there's the question of how many diapers one needs... as well as how many of each type. And, well, how will I get on with the prefolds which involve some sort of folding and pinning. Oy.

Motheringdotcommune, this wonderful online community (thanks, Jen!), has been a wonderful resource too, and many more experienced mamas have provided me with some great advice. I've found someone online who makes fitted, organic, bamboo, one size diapers. They're like gold dust to get ahold of. She stocks her virtual shelves and they sell out immediately. I contacted her, though, and she said she can do a custom order.. which is very exciting :)

Now I have to look for prefolds, covers, and some all in ones. Here are some covers I've been coveting :)

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by the things we have to think about. We're planning to co-sleep but I feel as though we need to think about a bassinet, at least, if only for naps.. and, well, if co-sleeping isn't working out for any one of us. So much to think about...


And now a rant...

Aside from all the baby stuff - which is both stressful and fun to think about (I've been practicing putting the stroller up!!)- today has been a bit of a shocker. It didn't start terribly well as I had one of those morning when even with zofran I'm on the verge of vomiting. I couldn't finish my very bland breakfast and then had to stop halfway to work thinking I was about to be sick... Not fun. And then I got to work and it went downhill very quickly. I'll just say that telling someone how huge they are over and over again is not terribly good for one's self-esteem, and whilst I'd love to say that I am immune to such comments there really is a limit. And, really, it just seems to be basic etiquette not to compare your pregnant body to someone else's. Surely people know not to say things such as 'Alex, you're SO big... so and so is 34 weeks pregnant and only a little bit bigger than you. you're huge.. and, well, this so and so was a size zero and has a washboard stomach and you hardly can tell she's pregnant.. and, wow, look at you, you are really really big'.


I was so clearly not comfortable and yet continue she did... by the end I was practically in tears. Well, in actual fact Rich called me just as I got to my office and burst into sobs about 15 minutes before my 8am class.

I really don't mind people commenting on my pregnant body. I like my growing tummy and the fact that it's helping a little baby grow and thrive but there were so many value judgments embedded in the remarks today, and they weren't lost on me. As Fia and others noted to me... when on earth did it become the goal of a pregnant woman not to look pregnant?

Today, then, was not my favorite day. Please, please, universe, let the rest of the week be better.


  1. Alex:

    Sorry you had a hard day. Save for Jen, you are probably the cutest pregnant woman I've ever seen! The hell with what other people say.

  2. cloth diapers? you are a brave woman. :)

    pregnant comments are hard...I got quite a few of them that hurt, too.

    Be proud of your beautiful bod that is taking care of your sweet little R. And...from the pic you posted on your blog, you don't look too big for how far you are along, really. I don't know what on earth that person was thinking. People can be so tactless...it honestly astounds me.

    Hope you have a better week.


  3. Oh Alex..the "you look so big" comments SUCK..but really isnt the point of being pregnant to grow another human BODY in your body..I mean how small is one suppossed to be..and from the pics you posted you dont look big at all especially for someone as far along as you...you are growing another life..be proud of your body and tell anyone who doesnt think so to sod off!!!

    love, Tara

  4. Alex, I agree with all of the above, you are as big as you should be! I also say OYE, cloth diapers, you are a very brave women indeed, but good for you, even if you only do it for a small while, it is a very good thing you do! Ellen-UNE

  5. Oh Alex, your 'friend' sounds like he/she has some major body issues of their own... From the pics I've seen you look incredibly neat to me anyway! There will always be someone ready to express astonishment at how 'huge' or 'tiny' you are - usually in the same day ;-)

    I'm afraid public judgement doesn't stop once you have the baby either. I'm not sure how progressive an area you live in but be ready for the looks of amazement that you're *still* breastfeeding, using cloth nappies or wearing your baby in a sling etc etc etc... Get that polite (naff off and mind your own business) smile ready! xx

  6. So true, Alice, about how the comments just keep coming. I'll forever be known in the neighborhood who carried his baby around in a sling, as if the most natural thing is somehow aberrant behavior.

  7. Alex, what they said. You're gorgeous and in much better shape, I might add, than most pregnant women, considering how much you work out! Not that it matters, though--you're PREGNANT, for heaven's sake!

    So sorry about this rotten day. Tell that person to go sod off, indeed. ;-)

    xoxoxo, my beautiful friend,

  8. p.s. Prefolds are so easy. We were total zombies and we managed them just fine. You'll do great!


  9. Hey, Al, move here! I promise, no one will look at you funny if you use cloth dipes, babywear, or breastfeed on a sidewalk bench.

    Best place to attachment parent, my friend.
    Don't you want to work at Mount Holyoke??

    Seriously, buddy, you know what I think about the idiot at work. You are so beautiful, and your body is doing just what it needs to do.

    And don't get freaked out about cloth diapers, either - i promise it's not that hard, even prefolds!

    love you.

  10. Oh, guys, thanks SO much for your comments. I have to admit that I was pretty miserable following the remarks. I have been feeling pretty good about the body changes, and even not minding too much that I'm slowing down when I workout, etc. But, yikes...!!

    Aw, David, what a kind thing to say. And I remember you as the sling wearing papa, too :) I wonder how it'll go down in Standish when Rich is walking the poppet around our neighborhood :) I think we're already viewed as a bit eccentric!!

    Thanks, Brie, love. I've been meaning to shoot you an email to see how the surgery went... It sounds as though it's been brutally hard on you physically. Sending lots of love your way, my friend.

    You're absolutely right, tara! And in fact I was wondering where on earth this baby would fit if my tummy wasn't this big!!!

    Thanks, Ellen!!! What a perfect thing to say to a pregnant woman... that they look as big as they should be :) Now, see, that's etiquette :) I am a bit nervous about the diapers...!

    Gosh, Alice, isn't that the truth? I've already had to sort of lie to avoid confrontation and outright criticism about our plans to use cloth diapers, co-sleep, breast-feed, and more!!! I think that Portland is a pretty progressive place for parenting, etc... but Standish? not so much! It's why we have the 7 year plan to leave this immediate area so that we can move closer to Portland. Yikes, it's not long now for your little one to arrive!!!

    THANK YOU, Jen! I really feel fortunate that I can workout again following the dreaded first trimester. And I do feel pretty strong and fit - which I'm hoping might make delivery just even marginally easier... or am I deluding myself there! I appreciate you so much, Jen.

    And, really, I will need a lesson on prefolds. Did you use pins or a snappi, or did you just fold them and use the cover to keep them up? I'm actually quite excited for the diapers.. they have some super sweet covers!

    Fia, you make me laugh! Northampton definitely seemed like an attachment parenting friendly place :) I think there's a pretty good community in Portland, too.

    I'm hoping you can come up here soon so you can help with those nappies!! Did you like the look of those bamboo fitteds? We're going to go with the prefolds, in the main, but then have the fitteds, etc for when we're out, traveling, etc.

    can't believe that I am almost in the third trimester!!!

    lots of love, A

  11. i'm so sorry that you were subjected to such horrid comments. i've had the same happen too many times to count. i've been told i'm "massively huge" and "so much bigger than XYZ" and then asked "where's the baby?" in the same day...

    i think this little baby is so lucky to have you as his mother - you are already taking such good care of him, nourishing him, helping him grow!


    ps i admire you so much for going the cloth nappy route. i could never quite face it myself!

  12. Thanks for empathising, Em. Jeez, I don't know what people think they're trying to do when they say such things...!! Oh, and em, given that you have four little ones I can quite, quite imagine why cloth nappies wouldn't be on the top of your list of priorities :)

    Love, A

  13. I agree with Jen: I really miss the cloth dipes, now that we've moved beyond them. After putting on the third one, they become automatic.

  14. Hey, dearie,

    So first about dipes. Yep, you just fold the dipe in thirds, lay it down in the cover, slip it under the baby's bum, and snap the cover closed. Voila. Cloth diapering was fantastic!

    You will find there is a very large and supportive attachment parenting community in Portland. And it's just generally a tolerant place, for the most part. One time I was nursing Sage in the Wild Oats cafe, when she was probably nearly two. A woman smiled at us and, when she got up to leave, came over and said, "I just wanted to say how beautiful you two are together, and I think it's wonderful that you're still nursing her at her age." I cried I was so touched! So there is hope.

    If you're armed with your Mothering magazine and your La Leche League membership, along with your own cheerful confidence that you're making the right decisions, you'll be able to face down the occasional nay-sayer. ;-)


  15. You are very welcome Alex, and the co-sleeping thing, we did that for 2 years, loved every minute of it. You go for it girl, nevermind what anyone else says, you have to do what is right for you both! Ellen

  16. those fitteds look absolutely great, though it seems a shame to use a cover with something so pretty :)

    prefolds are a cinch - I have diapered babes in prefolds and in pockets, and I like the prefolds better. fold and go, my friend! also prefolds are cheap, which will make up for your snazzy custom bamboo gold dust :)

    love love love!

  17. Thanks, everyone.

    I'm feeling much more confident about those diapers now! Especially since I don't necessarily have to use pins. I also read that they're much, much easier to dry than other types.. which will be helpful as we don't currently have a dryer (environmental reasons). I think that will have to change come September...

    And you can get beautiful covers, too :) I have a like for pink polka dots. My poor little boy!

    And it's great to hear about your experiences with Sage, Jen... I definitely think that Portland is a friendly place to this kind of parenting.

    I've suddenly had a very strong craving for a cadbury's cream egg. These aren't at all vegan friendly....

  18. Hi Alex,
    I'm also using cloth diapers (bum genius 3.0 one-size) and am planning on buying a sprayer attachment that uses the same water as the toilet so you can just spray them off until you get a chance to wash a load. I bought flannel and cut that to use for wipes. I've heard to buy about 2 dozen diapers so you can wash every other day. You'll do great.

  19. Hi Krystine!

    Thanks for sharing... it really helps to know what others are doing. I like the bum genius one-size a lot. I was definitely going to get some of those... I'm impressed that you're doing the homemade wipes, too. I have to give that some thought! And I had no idea about the toilet sprayer... thanks for the head's up. It's a wonderful idea.

    Hope you're well! Would love to see some more pics of your little girl :)

    xo Alex