And it's all me :)
I forgot to mention that on Sunday I had my first 'Panera Sunday'. The idea was for me to head to the gym and then to Panera where I'd get some breakfast on my own, read, sit, eat my toast.. all without a baby. The only place I've been without Raf is to the gym or for a walk. So I was excited at the prospect of spending a little bit of time on my own. But as I left the gym I was already feeling as though I was missing something. I called Rich and said 'hey, why don;t you just meet me there now?'. Rich was quite firm and said that I should have the time. And so I did. I enjoyed my toast (and half of Rich's bagel I'd ordered for him) and read my book 'Why Love Matters', and every two minutes I checked my phone to see what the time was :) When I saw Rich carrying Rich in his carseat towards the door I felt so supremely relieved and happy to see Rafi (and Rich, of course).
I have to admit that I really enjoyed the time, but it was a sort of anxious, sad-tinged time.
So it's hard being away from the little fella. Our new babysitter/nanny was supposed to come around this week, but I couldn't even begin to think about leaving him, and so I'm wondering how I ever will. I know that I have to, and I should start soon, but, oh, geesh, I just don't want to. I don't even like to be in a different room to him.
It's no wonder I get nothing done.
Which makes me wonder how anyone gets anything done at all with a baby. I had some work to do this week and it was just impossible to get anything done without Rich around. Even then it was hard. I'm curious how people manage it. I feel pretty awful when I put Raf in his swing, even if he seems perfectly contented. If I'm not holding him or interacting with him I feel as though it might be analogous to abuse. I'm only half joking, too. I know he has to explore his own world without me being too intrusive, but it's difficult to do that when I think that if he's not attached to my hip that I'm resigning him to an orphanage type life.