It's been a very mixed weekend. It didn't start well. Rafi has been changing his routine lately, which makes sleep a challenge. it used to be that he'd go to sleep around 9 or 10pm, sleep for a significant time, get up around 3 or 4 and then snooze in his swing for another few hours. I'd go to bed with him, taking advantage of his long sleep, and then I'd head to the gym after feeding him and settling him back down around 4am. Well, he's slowly been going to bed much earlier. By 7pm he is ready to hit the sack but my 12 or 1am he is ready for some food and some playtime. If I get back to sleep I'm up again around 3 or 4 and if I want to take advantage of the very small window of time I have to head to the gym I have to forego a lot of sleep. For the past couple of weeks Ive been operating on very little sleep.. maybe 4 hours a night.
Frankly Ive been on the edge of sanity all week.
Yesterday I was slightly maniacal after another terrible night, with Rich not really stepping up to the nighttime parenting plate. I missed the exercise classes I'd been coveting all week, and I was so tired the idea of the gym was laughable. Missing out on my time to head out on my bike, go to gym, etc, is really challenging. It's a complete reset as UI get to experience my body in familiar ways. If I drive to the gym I get to listen to my audible book, I chat to other people, and I don't have to worry about Rich coming in with Rafi if he's having trouble consoling him.
Missing that, on top of the sleep deprivation, for sure brought me close to the edge of reason. In fact I was pretty much fuming at Rich yesterday....
Today, though, was a lovely day. I headed to the gym on very little sleep, and then I met Rich and Raf at Panera. Rich ran a 10K in Portland this morning and I took Raf to watch him. Before Rich turned up, though, I enjoyed a blissful 20 mins on my own, eating toast, reading a book. This is the first time I've been away from Raf without being at the gym. Boy, did I take things for granted pre-Rafi.
We had a lovely morning in the Autumn sun. I met my friend Mary and we walked a bit of the course. it was a lot of fun and Raf was happy as could be in his carrier. This afternoon I was going to head out on my bike (to make up for yesterday's debacle), but I was having a fine old time with the boy and instead we all took the boys out for a walk.
A busy weekend, fraught with fatigue and tension and craziness, but a lovely weekend, too. Oh, the ups and downs of parenthood :)
morning alex
ReplyDeleteglad to hear that at least yesterday was better. I don't see your facebook marker so maybe you are still asleep now. I hope so. The pics below are lovely, I can imagine his wriggly little self.
love lucy x
Oh, poor dear. I, too, am glad yesterday was better! You've been in my thoughts, Alex! I hope you three find a new groove soon. It's so true that, just when you think you have them figured out, they change.
ReplyDeletexoxoxo
Love,
Jen
oh he is totally wriggly, lucy! he is all squirmy and head-wobbly and squishy and adorable. my nephew is the cutest!
ReplyDeleteglad to hear the sleep is straightening out somewhat, love. rich - you need to stop failing at keeping the kid occupied during the night so alex can sleep. work on this ;).
Thanks, you lot.
ReplyDeleteOddly Raf has developed a new routine.. . more sleep for all of us but, alas, it means that I essentially miss the small window of time I get a waking break. He's now asleep around 7:30ish, sleeping on me and then in his chair until 10pm ish, then up to bed with me (he's asleep the entire time), wake up to eat around 1am, fussing until around 2am-ish, light sleep until 5am ish.
This is very nice (aside from the thumping and kicking that occurs in his light sleep!, but unless I'm up by 4am WITH Raf I have no chance of exercising, having time away from him. Thus I begin to lose the plot for other reasons. I'm not sure what I prefer :)
I think the most difficult challenge for me is to feel confined - physically, abstractly, etc. My life centers around Raf's and Rich's needs/ability to let me have ANY time. Rich has to leave early in the morning but I can't do anything until Raf is awake and fed. I just don't feel okay leaving a bottle of expressed milk when he's only taken an ounce or so when fed with a bottle. I also feel it's imprtant for him for me to be there when he wakes up from his night's slumber (even though he sleeps right next to me). The late afternoon/ early evening is a high needs time, too... so, there we have it, no time at all.
I feel a bit panicked this morning as I've had Raf moslty on my own since Monday morning (when I went to the gym). The preceding week I missed lots of days when I'd usually find some time,
I wish I was a mother who relinquished all these things without trouble, but I don't. This morning I am facing a day and evening with no breaks whatsoever. Rich has left for work and has his evening class tonight. Every cell in my body feels a bit panicked, and if I could put on my running shoes and run, I wouldn't stop, I don't think.
This morning Im interviewing a nanny/babysitter we can't afford, but her profile is the only profile I've seen that makes me feel I can leave Raf with anyone.
Oh lordy, lord. And Rafi is such a sweetheart. He's not a very high needs baby at all, and truly he is a sweet little blessing, but the time issue - and having my every minute orchestrated by others' needs is a really difficult thing.
oh hon I hope the nanny is lovely and that you can get some downtime. I think any mother who can relinquish all their needs for any time to themselves may already be insane. I wish I was close by and could come and have rafi for you so you could potter and do some stuff for yourself. I have the passport application in hand and I may be able to get it sent in time. Let me know what you think of my proposed dates...
ReplyDeleteHi love, the nanny was great. Kate came along for the interview as we might try for a nanny share when we can. She has her own little Zoe, btw (called zoe!!). She reminds me a bit of Fia. I was thinking how much it would have been great to have you come and nanny for us.
ReplyDeleteNo pressure, but seeing you would be great! We're there from the 8th-20th. How about the weekend before... so the 17th, or around then? We're pretty flexible. Might be easier when Meliissa and co leave as we'll have more time/flexibility. xo
hey, the nanny was lovely and reminded you of ME?!
ReplyDeletesweet :)
can you hire her just for a few hours a week so you can get your sleep AND get some gym time? and then perhaps increase hrs later as you begin to work again? a nanny share is an awesome thing, given that you pay less and the nanny gets paid more. truly a win-win there!
i can't believe that i still haven't met the little guy :( i'll admit to raging jealousy every time ren gets to see you folks (only admitting because ren knows i adore her, right?!). I had this big idea about columbus day weekend, but i'll be moving my dad to virginia (ooh, and perhaps you'll be in spain anyway).
i was at a conference today about trauma and the body, and found myself thinking how interested you'd be in the research that was discussed. you're on my mind, baby!
xoxo
fia
i was thinking of that weekend, too. I'm waiting for the countersigned form to come back from natalie (our post is taking twice as long lately) and then I'll take it to post office and pay the extra to get it put through quicker x
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