Monday, January 24, 2011

A little pause

There is a moment in almost everyday when I pause and really, really observe and 'see' Raf. It might sound a bit hokey, but in those moments when I remember that there is a little person in that sweet body of his, when I take a moment to really and truly appreciate him and everything he does, I almost become undone. He is so exquisite and funny and precious, and I can feel myself welling up when I take that moment. I just wanted to jot down a few of those moments:

1) Raf likes to dance, and today, watching the Wiggles (a whole other post brewing on TV watching!) he started dancing in absolute delight. His little legs bending in time with the music: up and down, up and down, holding onto the table to help with his balance.

2) One of my new favourite times is putting Raf in his sleeping blanket. I lay it on the floor and say 'come on, Raf, come and get your blanket on; time for bed'. And up he trots, sits on the floor and then lies down trying to lie on the right parts of the blanket so I can zip him up in it. As I do it he says 'bye bye', knowing that he's going to bed.

3) Raf has such a fun sense of humour, and one of his favourite games is 'where's mummy?'. I'll hide, he'll come and find me, and right at the last minute I'll surprise him. His squeals of delight are perhaps the most life-affirming sounds in the world. This game can go on for a long while.

4) When mum and dad were here he started a game of climbing over the side of the chair by first climbing on a wicker box by the side, flinging himself over, landing upside down and then getting down and doing it all over again. For hours. And hours.

5) When he wants something, or you're handing him something, he'll put both his hands out stretched - high at first - and then he'll slowly bring his hands and arms down so that his outstretched arms are almost by his knees. Where he gets this from I have no idea, but these littler mannerisms and body movements always remind me of his little unique self.

There is so much that he does, and I wish i paused more to really appreciate everything, to take everything in. It is so trite to say that it goes so fast, but the truth is that it really does go much too fast, and part of the tearing up is no doubt tied to that, of it all going too fast, of not being able to get these years back. In the very least I can take the time to remember such happy times, knowing that there will be plenty of other good times to be had as Raf goes through life.


  1. hey alex,
    i think you know i bumped into this place of needing to allow myself more outright basking in who my child is today, and this beautiful post was the most affirming, loving thing for me to read.


  2. I'm filling up! Watching the twins go crazy in pop up tent and tunnel this morning! I can't believe they are one on Thursday - the time has flown and I return to work next week - I know they'll get so much out of spending time with my mum and in nursery, but I will miss them so much, just as I miss my big girl :-)
    much love xx

  3. This is a lovely post and it made me think of my own boy and then the differences between him and his sis. We really are all unique and even when you see the similarities between siblings, parents, generations the differences are so delightful. You just made me love my kid-neys a little bit more, if that's possible. Thanks for sharing. Ade

  4. Aw...This is very touching post Alex! Loved it :) Rafi is lucky to have you as his Mom!

  5. these are the moments that make it all so precious and worthwhile, hey? it is the reason i have four kids! i love, love, love it!


  6. aww Alex, i love this post.
    what an amazing and loving mum you are.
    Raf is blessed :)

  7. These lovely moments of things Raf does, totally care-free at this wonderful age. I'd add looking right into his eyes for those few seconds when he's not moving is so powerful, and the realization that while there's no words yet, the connection must mean something to him as it does to us - and then he's off to watch the Wiggles Dance Party! We're driving in our big red car...