Raf is 5 weeks today. It hasn't been the most auspicious day, He's not a happy camper today.. It started well with Rafi sleeping in until 3:15am, which meant he slept for 6 hours! I fed him, nipped to the gym, and when i got home he was ready for more grub. Usually he falls asleep mid morning, but not today. I thought I'd try and help him sleep by putting him in the car and taking him for a drive. That sort of worked. I put him in his sling when we reached Target and after a few minutes he started to howl. He usually loves his sling so I was a bit stumped as to what to do. Fortunately Rich happened to be in the area for a meeting so he came and rescued me and helped me get to Babies R Us so I could feed and change him. I managed to finish up the chores and made it home... Since then he has been quite the grump. Nothing is really helping him to settle down, so I think he's overly tired now. The only thing that helps is continua nursing which, honestly, is exhausting. We couldn't even get out for a walk this evening because he was so fussy.
Poor baby.
Frankly, he is generally a very easy going little guy. There are, though, some real challenges. The biggest, perhaps, is the challenge of nighttime parenting. We're co-sleeping, which is a lovely, lovely thing. he sleeps in a snuggle nest which sits in the middle of our bed. As the night progresses his body sort of falls out and his little arms and legs flail out touching my own arms and body. He is a noisy sleeper, though, so while he sleeps for good stretches, I wake up constantly making sure he;s okay. Thankfully I don't have to get out of bed for this!
the other issue around night parenting is the negotiation between Rich and I around who does what. Inevitably I am responsible for the majority given that we're nursing and haven't yet expressed and used bottles, but Raf has a hard time falling back to sleep after he's nursed and who gets to deal with that is a thorny issue. Mostly it's been me - as Rich works - but operating on hours of broken sleep is not so good for someone looking after a newborn. all that said, we seem to be developing some routine...
Here's a typical morning:
Raf stirs between 2-4am (sometimes he has a midnight feeding, too) and i get up, change him, take him downstairs (he doesn't love to nurse in bed much to my dismay). I stumble down, pop him in his swing whilst I grab a couple of drinks.. one being iced water, the other (hiding my face in shame) is a large diet pepsi. I know, I know.. who would have thought that I'd be drinking something with so many horrible chemicals and substances.. but I learnt through all the food aversions to eat and drink whatever I can.. and pepsi is turning out to be a good friend!). After an hour of nursing (raf eats for a LONG time) he falls back to sleep but will NOT go back to bed... I can wait until he's in a deep sleep and he'll still wake up and protest about going back to bed. So, I either sit with him for a couple of hours or I pop him in the swing where he generally likes to snooze. Around 4:30am I get Rich up to sit with the boy whilst I nip to the gym...
And then it's back again to feed the Raffman, shower, and eat breakfast... hopefully before Rich leaves for work. There are variations.. one of which sees me going back to bed if the wake up call has been super early (i.e. before 3ish)). Another variation is a bike ride.. or me sitting with Rafi on the couch watching everymore TV.
I have watched so much TV, I can barely believe it. Law and Order, Royal Pains, The Listener - are just some of the classics I'm working my way through. Oh, yes, also old episodes of Cheers!
We don;t just watch TV. We do daily doses of tummy time, we go for many walks, sometimes on our own, someimes with Rich and the boys, and sometimes with friends. We usually take a trip out - even if it's just an adventure to Whole Foods. But nonetheless we do a lot of sitting, me with my laptop on the sofa so I can at least keep in contact with the outside world. Unfortunately I generally have only a finger to type with, so the extent of my interaction are profile updates on FB. Yes, I feel a bit of a sad case for that, but frankly I'll take any human contact! Status updates and wall interactions, then, are a bit of a god send!
I'm fast losing the battle with my eyelids so I'll have to stop writing... hopefully this little sleep seal who has AT LAST fallen asleep - is ready for bed. Wish me luck!
Hi Alex! Oh, boy, what a post! I am so sympathetic with you. What a grueling routine. (It sounds so familiar in many ways!) If it makes you feel any better (and you know this), it will not be like this forever! But in the haze of exhaustion I know it's hard to take that in.
ReplyDeleteCan you sleep while sitting with him on the couch? Maybe you can get a chair that reclines?
Oh, and I know this isn't what you meant, but YOU work, too--it's just not remunerated. No disrespect to Rich's work (and I know he works hard), but your work is just as important. You both need your rest for your work--equally. ;-) Doncha think?
Night time parenting and sleep issues are definitely the most challenging bits. It's great Rafi likes his swing, though! That is a huge help, I'm sure.
I also so identify with your feeling cut off from human contact. So on that note, I'd love to come by to visit you. Just say when!
xoxo
Love,
Jen
Thanks, Jen! I'm having a bit of a breakdown today.. sleep deprived, no exercise, and an extremely fussy little one. He is comfort nursing like mad but is getting very little comfort because he eats too much and is then horribly sick (al over me!).
ReplyDeleteYou're so right about the work.. and I'll get Rich to read your response! It is for a sure a challenge right now. Yesterday he wouldn't be put down at all and wouldn't even go in his sling. he wanted to be held. I'm about to go and buy a Baby Bjorn in the hope that a more upright position will be easier for him given his need to be up on my chest. We have a lovely ergo carrier but the infant insert makes him too hot. Poor little guy.
Would love to see you! Thurs or Fri sounds great. It's going to be hot so meeting in an air conditioned place might be nice!!!
Love, A
Oh, Alex, you poor dear! I'm so sorry! I know it doesn't help much, but you are in my thoughts so often during the day. Sounds like today was a challenge.
ReplyDeleteGood idea to try the bjorn. Maybe a different position will indeed help! Maine Mamas has a sling library if you want me to see who's currently minding it (and thus so you can try things out before buying). There's another carrier called a Mei Tai that lots of people swear by. It's also upright but less complicated than the bjorn.
If you'd like to meet somewhere, that is FINE. Or I can come to you. Why don't you name the location and the approximate time? I can do it any time between about 9:00 and 4:00.
xoxoxox
Love,
Jen
hi alex. that sounds utterly exhausting.... truly draining. have you tried different shapes of pacifiers? mine like the cherry shaped one. leila needed some coaxing to use it at frist (she was a sucky baby and would have prefered to suck on my breast!) but after a couple of weeks she got the hang of it and it was really helpful during those sucky times (when her belly was full and my nipples were sore but she still needed to comfort suck).
ReplyDeleteis there some form of exercise that you can do with rafi... so that you can rest at 4am and be active later? (i can't believe that there are gyms open at 4am!) leila would only sleep in our arms when she was first born... then she would sleep in her car seat... then in her snuggle bed...and now finally she is in her crib. it is quite a gradual process but you will get there!
Thanks, Jen! He quite likes his bjorn, if only because it's cooler than his other carriers. He much prefers the sling to sleep in, though. I actually ended up taking him to the Dr's yesterday as he was vomiting a lot... Of course it was nothing, and he's already gained almost another pounds since last week. He is getting so big!!
ReplyDeleteHope to see you tomorrow, Jen!
Thanks, Kate... it's really difficult to determine what's best - sleep or activity. It's awful choosing between a biological necessity and something central to one's mental health! The biggest challenge for me is that 4am is my usual waking up time, so if he gets up at 2-3 I am still ready to get up at 4. Sleep deprivation catches me up down the road, and so I don't usually feel tired until later in the day... or the next day, so I'm sort of better off doing something in the morning. That said, as soon as we get our air conditioning working in my rowing room, I can row at home with Rafi right there in his swing or seat.. so that will make it easier. I have to admit that I quite like the act of leaving the house to drive to the gym (listening to my audible book)... Even cycling from home doesn't have that quality to it.
well, I am losing the battle with my eyelids. The boy is in his swing as we're trying to get him to sleep. He was getting very grouchy in my arms...
Oh, yes, in other news, we tried a bottle last night (well, Rich did( and we failed miserable... oy.
Never fear, Alex! He WILL take a bottle. We had to work at it for a while first, too.
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to seeing you today!
xo
Jen
At first I tried not to wake up my husband in the middle of the night but it's ridiculous to not sleep at all and expect a nap in the day to be enough. Now he can get her to bed most nights or give her the bath and entertain her (read: walk around for a few hours since she hates if we hold still) while I take an evening nap. We're both tired but I know I'm getting far less sleep. Plus, I know nursing (even though I'm pumping, the lactating), takes a ton of energy, don't you think? I hope you can find a solution to get you at least a little more sleep. I can't believe he nurses an hour! Wow! Take care.
ReplyDelete-Krystine